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Hope Deferred Hope Realized

sarahjane2022

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Trauma can leave scars, both physical and emotional. When it can result in a life long disability, the journey to recovery can seem daunting, if not impossible. Recovery is not about undoing the past or erasing the trauma. It’s about finding the new normal, whatever that may be. It is about acceptance of what is. It’s about learning to adapt. It’s about growth, resilience, and hope.

Recovery is not a race, it’s a marathon.

It’s not a destination but a journey. Truth is, none of us know exactly what we are capable of until it matters most. That doesn’t change the fact that there is this tendency towards being in this survival mode mindset following trauma. When it comes to trauma feeling the need to survive is normal and being in survival mode has its purpose. There is a reason why people in the military who require treatment with mental health are honorably discharged. You can’t exactly go through therapy in the middle of a war zone when the battle is most intense. This is not only true for those in the military it is also true for every day people facing circumstances that is their own personal war zone. There will come a time when living life in survival mode is no longer helpful and is the opposite of resilience.

The Audacity of Hope

The first Black and 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama

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“Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it and to work for it and to fight for it”

~ Barack Obama

Without hope, we can’t move beyond just surviving. Only after we reach down deep within to have this courage to even consider hope can we even reach for it and fight for it. It is this hope that calls us beyond one self to see our purpose in this thing we call life.

“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”

~ Brené Brown

In her book, Rising Strong, Brené Brown writes the following, “I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.” As I read this quote from Brené Brown, the thought did cross my mind, when will the ass kicking end? It will probably end either when this life of mine is over or when I no longer need to ask for help.

Trauma has a way of calling to question our purpose. What is our purpose? What is our reason for living? Why am I alive? Why didn’t I die? For whatever reason I have survived and I continue to survive.

It is within this audacity to hope we find the strength within to not just survive but thrive.

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Journey Through Life Changing Trauma

On February 4, 2024 I was involved in a work related accident that was near fatal and life changing. This has presented in challenges that have made it especially difficult during my recovery. I experience Post Traumatic Stress Symptoms, Anxiety, and Depression. All of this has worsened and brought to light a heart condition I have which is LongQT Syndrome. LongQT Syndrome with Anxiety is considered a disability. I will experience significant challenges when it comes to returning to work. Work Safe has not only affirmed my case stating that I was not willfully negligent and that my injuries that are currently compensable or not in question so my employer who appealed Work Safe’s initial ruling was no successful. After a failed attempt at a return to work program my file was transferred to Vocational Rehabilitation and long term benefits. I have been assessed for a Pension but at this point I am not sure how much I will be awarded in that Pension. This assessment will take time.

Injuries from my accident

  • Fractured Larynx
  • 2 Right Rib Fractures (9th & 11th)
  • Pneumothorax (punctured lungs associated with fractured ribs)
  • Lacerated Spleen
  • Hemothorax (collection of blood within the body in association with the lacerated spleen)
  • Transverse Process fractures L1, L2, L4 (These fractures are tiny bones within the spinal column)
  • Comminuted Fracture upper Left Humerus bone (upper arm involving the shoulder joint requiring surgery)
  • Post Traumatic Stress

Journey through Writing

The best way people can support me is by being present. Sometimes I fight thoughts of being alone and all I need is human connection. You can’t put a price on human connection. Instead of being inundated with negative thoughts I would much rather focus on the positive. I would much rather speak to myself words of compassion, mercy, and be present to myself. In the process, through it I will write in my blog and share with you my journey. We could all use a little human connection and find encouragement.

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