I have been thinking a lot about my mom lately. October 1st will always be one of those days. I still grieve. Some days are easier then others. Some years are easier then others but then there are those times when it is especially difficult and the grief and sorrow come flooding in like it was just yesterday.
My mom (Barbara) was born October 1st 1947 and died June 23, 1980
My Nana used to always tell me stories about her. I miss those times. I was only two years old when my mom died. I could listen to stories about my mom all day long. There was one story I always remember. My Nana was visiting from Norway. She came over and saw my mom playing with me and my twin brother. The laundry wasn’t done, the kitchen sink was full of dishes. Nana starts in on my mom for not keeping up with the chores. At the time my mother was diagnosed with cancer and knew it was terminal. My mom responded to Nana saying “there will always be laundry and dirty dishes but I won’t always be here”
There will always be laundry …
There will always be dishes …
I won’t always be here…
What I wish somebody could say to me…
You are strong and resilient. Growing up without a mother’s presence in your life hasn’t been easy. Your courage and determination has carried you through. You have missed out on the nurturing embrace and guiding hand of a mother, and finding the support you have needed along the way has been difficult. Your story and your scars is a testament to your survival. But they do not define you. I recognize the pain and the struggles you have faced, and we acknowledge the void that can never be filled. You are not alone.
It sure would be more convincing if I could not only hear these words from others but to also receive these words. It’s one thing to know people love you and are there for you but it’s another to actually feel this to be true. To feel this and to receive this.
Unless you have walked a mile in my moccasins you will never know or understand.
Sarah-Jane Melnychuk 
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